Discover the Secret to Effortless, Everyday Decision-Making
Quick, what are your top three values?
Did you answer quickly or are you scrambling, trying to pull ideas out of thin air?
If you answered “scrambling,” you’re not alone. Most folks don’t have a clue what their values are and have no idea how to figure them out.
What are values?
You may be thinking, "What's the big deal about knowing my values?
The short answer: Everything.
Because your values affect every decision you make.
Once you’re clear on your values, you’re clear on what matters to you. And when you know what matters to you, decision-making is a snap.
“Values are the principles that give our lives meaning and allow us to persevere through adversity. ”
How are values established?
When you were growing up, you were brought up with a specific set of values in your family. These values influenced you at a deep level, whether you agreed with them or not.
When you went to college, your values probably shifted a bit as you were becoming influenced by new friends, a new environment and fellow students. You were also influenced by the professors and even the topics that you were studying. Once you were married, your spouse's values began to affect your values and vice versa.
“Our values are influenced by our culture and by the people we spend the most time with. That’s why personal development gurus say things like, ‘You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.’”
Confession: The first time I heard this, I looked at who I was hanging out with and made some changes…fast!
Who you spend time with and the environment you're in affect your values because they influence you. That includes social media and gaming environments too.
Basically, your values define you. But they also protect you.
How your values serve as your North Star
Life becomes simpler and clearer when you know your values. That’s the beauty of them.
Here’s an example. My top five values are:
Peace
Authenticity
Love and connection
Health
Fun and laughter
Living a peaceful life is a priority to me because my number one value is peace. That means I evaluate everything that comes into my life with this in mind. This includes work opportunities, events, goal setting and even people.
Especially people.
I don't gravitate towards high-maintenance or negative people, or the “high-drama” folks in the crowd. I want to be with people who manage their lives with significantly more grace than that.
Knowing your values provides direction for your life that you can trust. It helps you ensure that you’re taking the right steps down the right path…for you. Only you.
Setting values-based goals
Once you know your values, you can align your goals with them. Creating values-based goals makes the process of achievement so much more rewarding.
Because when you align your goals with your values, you’ll be going after something that matters to you and will be fulfilling once you accomplish it.
If your goals don’t align with your values, a couple of things can happen:
You could lose interest in the goal and give up easily, because it's not that important to you.
You could achieve the goal, but the victory won't be nearly as sweet as you'd like it to be.
I can speak from experience about not enjoying sweet victories. After going after goals that weren’t aligned with my values, my success felt hollow and useless.
How to discover your values
Now it's your turn to get clear on your own values. For the record, there’s no right or wrong way to do this. When I did it, I used the process of elimination.
Print this values list and check off all the values that resonate with you. Then, from the values you marked, do another round of elimination. Keep doing this until you’re happy with your list.
Questions to ask yourself include:
When am I most content?
What refreshes me?
When am I living my most real and authentic life?
Who brings joy to my life and why?
This last question is an important one. Because when you see what you value in your closest friends and family members, you'll start seeing a pattern of what you value in life.
For example, if you have a friend who always shows up on time or texts/calls if running late, reliability could be something that you truly value.
You can have as many values as you like. Over the years, I've noticed that I use my top three to five values on a regular basis. Start with three and increase the number when you’re ready.
Knowing your values means knowing what’s most important to you. They’ll help you make decisions, set goals that are meaningful, and live a more intentional, fulfilling life.
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