Change Your Perspective: How The Meanings You Choose Shape Your Reality
Here’s the deal: A fact is just a fact, until you choose a meaning for it. Some of us choose uplifting meanings that benefit us. Some of us choose negative meanings that bring us down.
Either way, once you understand how important choosing meanings affect you, you’ll start looking at things differently. Because every meaning that you place on a fact is going to affect the way you see your life.
I’ll give you an example of how meanings affect you on a daily basis and offer you a simple formula on how it works. I’ll leave you with a fantastic exercise to help you figure out the meanings you’re assigning to facts in your life.
Let’s start with a quote that’s quite visual and the perfect example of how you can take a fact and choose the meaning that works for you.
“You come home, make some tea, sit down in your armchair and all around there’s silence. Everyone decides for themselves whether that’s loneliness or freedom. ”
For me, silence means freedom. It means I can be alone at home and not have to talk unless I want to.
For others, that same silence means loneliness. It can bring up thoughts from "Nobody cares about me" to "Why am I here on this earth?"
Do you see how the meaning lives inside of you?
He didn’t call
In “The Trance of Scarcity: Stop Holding Your Breath and Start Living Your Life,” author Victoria Castle tells a story about being a sophomore at the school dance.
A cute upperclassman asked her to dance, and he kept her on the dance floor for several songs. At the end of the evening, he asked for her phone number and said, "I'll call you."
She floats home and camps out by the phone at the house. She waited all weekend, no call. Then she waited again on Monday… Tuesday… no call.
She started thinking, "If he didn't call, he must be laughing at me. I bet he's telling his friends, 'You know this dumb girl, she's just a sophomore. I'm never going to call her.'" Then she started feeling like a fool because she believed him when he said he’d call.
She decided to ask her brother for advice because he was a senior and knew about a lot of different things.
She peeks around the corner while he's doing his homework and asks, "Um, if a guy said he was going to call you but he didn't call, what does that mean?"
Her brother quickly replied, "It means he didn't call."
This story immediately separates fact from meaning. For her, not getting a call had a lot of meanings. Her mind was racing from "Men are liars" to "He lost my number" or "Oh, life is cruel." She attached all these meanings to one fact: he didn't call.
That meaning had the potential to build her up or tear her down. If she said it to herself often enough, she would create a story in her head about it. And eventually that story would become one of her beliefs.
How Beliefs Work
These beliefs have a powerful hold on us. They affect our thoughts. They affect our behavior and the way we look at our lives.
Beliefs can stop us from doing the things that would benefit us and enhance our levels of joy, peace and contentment. Here's the way it works:
“Fact + Meaning + Repetition = Story
Story + Repetition = Belief”
We all attach meanings to facts every day. It's a very natural part of what we do and it happens quickly, without any thought.
It's important to explore and understand the stories you tell yourself regularly. Each story started with a positive or negative meaning that you attached to a fact.
If it was negative, you may have beaten yourself up over it and then started to repeat it to yourself. Then it became a story and then, part of your belief system.
So if you're wondering why you can't make more money, lose the weight, or write your novel, maybe your stories are getting in the way.
A Fun-Sized Action
Grab a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle of it to create two columns. Title the left column "Fact" and the right column “Meaning.”
Write down a fact in the left column. A few suggestions:
I am XX years old.
I love desserts.
My grandson didn't speak to me when he came home yesterday.
In the right column, quickly write down all the meanings you can associate with that fact. Don't stop to think. Don't analyze. Just write as quickly as you can. Then, review what you wrote. Any surprises?
Knowing the meanings you’re assigning to the facts in your life is one of the best ways to become more aware of what’s going on in your head. Because once you’re aware of it, then you can change it…for the better.
Sign up to get your copy of “Easy Aging® Essentials,” a free email course designed to help you upgrade your mindset, get midlife clarity and use bite-sized nuggets of action to design the life that’s perfect for you.
