Reclaim Your Life: The Simple Formula to End Downward Spirals After 40
Downward mental spirals. We’ve all experienced them at one time or another. Some of us can pull out of them quickly. Others can’t.
These spirals can catch you off guard at any age but by the time you hit midlife, they can become your default behavior.
Spirals were my default behavior in my 20s. In this article, I’ll give you an example of how I handled things (not well!), and that’ll give you an idea of what not to do. Then I’ll leave you with a simple formula that has helped me many times over the years.
What is a downward spiral?
A downward spiral is a series of negative thoughts, feelings or emotions that feed on each other and move a situation from bad to worse — in your head.
I add “in your head” because that’s where everything is happening. It’s all going on between your ears, and it generally begins when you jump to the worse-case scenario.
For example, in my 20s, I had been hired for my first big corporate gig as a public relations specialist. I had my Bachelor of Journalism degree with a specialization in PR, and I was so excited. I had worked for smaller companies, but to work for a big corporation? That made me feel like I had “arrived.”
For one of my departmental rotations, my boss was an older gentleman. He was the ultimate tough news reporter. And boy, was he gruff! He made me so nervous.
Because of that, my brain would immediately go to “the bad place” every time he asked to see me. My thoughts would be racing. “What's he going to tell me? Why does he want to see me? What does that mean? What did I mess up? What did I miss? What if he yells at me? What if he fires me?"
These spirals took me down. I went from having a great day to the depths of despair in less than a millisecond.
After freaking out in my cubicle for a while, I’d get up the nerve to go to his office. Then he’d tell me something like “We need to set up a press conference for the president" and give me the details.
Talk about feeling ridiculous! I quickly jumped to the worst-case conclusion and all he wanted to do was give me a new project.
The reality was that once I relaxed, I liked him a lot. I discovered he was a big, squishy teddy bear on the inside.
But what if…?
When was the last time you worried about something? Was it something that had already happened? Or were you just worrying about what might happen?
For most of us, knowing is better than not knowing. It's the not knowing that leaves us up in the air and creates the fear that can shake us to our core.
One way to stop the spiral is to understand that within every situation, you have options. They may not be perfect, but options are freeing. They calm you down. They let you think clearly. And they can move you from a downward spiral into a mindset of hope and possibility.
A simple formula to keep downward spirals at bay
1) Write it down
Grab a sheet of paper and a pen, and set a timer for two minutes.
As fast as you can, write down everything negative about this particular situation that has you spiraling (fears, concerns, anxieties, etc.). If you repeat items, it's fine. Just keep the pen moving across the page for two minutes.
2) Review your list
Now that you’ve poured onto the page, you can look at your list objectively.
When I do this, I'm generally embarrassed when I look at all the silly, ridiculous, outlandish things that I've come up with in my head. Seeing it on paper helps me take control back.
3) Write down your options
Set the timer again for two minutes and, writing as quickly as possible, list all your options. It doesn't matter if these options are realistic or ridiculous. Get them on paper. (No one will see this list except you.)
Ask yourself questions like “If the situation goes in this direction, what am I going to do? How am I going to handle this?" When you ask yourself these types of questions, your brain will naturally come up with the steps.
This formula will help you take responsibility early on. You're going to slow down or even stay out of downward spirals. It also offers you a more positive outlook and when you have a brighter outlook, you'll open yourself up to possibilities.
Best of all, knowing you have options will help you think of even more options and more solutions. And one of those solutions will be exactly what you're looking for.
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